Thursday, May 1, 2008


Oh hell yes, am I ever in a great mood. Not even the inch of snow on my front law could dampen my spirits this morning as I left my house and headed off to work just before the crack of dawn. (Yeah, snow on MAY 1st!)

What's got me in such a chipper disposition? SUMMER.

"HappyBack, you idiot," you say to me, "it's only May. Spring has barely sprung. Winter's deathgrip hasn't even loosened its hold on the valley yet. See all that snow? Summer isn't even close!"

First off, don't call me an idiot, or I'll have to bring the smack down on your ass.

Second, summer, my silly friends, isn't determined by the temperature outside, or the date on the calendar. In HappyBack's world, summer starts when the multi-million dollar blockbusters start hitting the theaters!

I'm both giddy with anticipation, and sick with apprehension, at this year's offerings. Two things are absolutely guaranteed to happen this year: I will be blown away and I will be sorely disappointed. But let's try to concentrate on the good rather than the impending fiascoes.

The entire season kicks off tomorrow with Iron Man. I already don't care that the plot will assuredly be weak and the storyline ridiculous, nor that the acting will be horrible. It will have loud noises, fight scenes, and it will blow crap up, and those are the three elements that make for a good movie. I am already close to declaring Iron Man the Greatest Movie Ever Made, just off the previews alone.

As the summer progresses, a handful of guaranteed delights also awaits:
Prince Caspian (May 16)
The Happening
The Incredible Hulk (both June 13)
Get Smart (June 20)
Wall-E (June 27)
Hancock (July 2)
The Dark Knight (July 18)

and to cap it all off, possibly the greatest film to be released all summer:

Hellboy 2 (July 11), which will wrest the title of Greatest Movie Ever Made away from Iron Man, just 2 months into its reign.

Now as with any good thing, the bad will have to be tolerated along with it. For example, you may have noticed one glaring omission from my list of Summer Blockbusters. Yes, folks, I hate to say it, but I am fully expecting the new Indiana Jones installment to be one of the worst disappointments of my life, ranking somewhere between finding out that Santa wasn't real, and seeing Grissom from C.S.I. peeing in a Las Vegas Men's Room.

Frankly, I never much cared for the 2nd or 3rd Indiana Jones movies, so I'm expecting this one to suck like a Hoover vacuum, too. But I'm sure to pay my $9 to see it suck for myself.

So just to prepare you folks, here's a list of movies to avoid this summer:

What Happens In Vegas (May 9)
Sex and the City: The Movie (May 30)
Kung Fu Panda (June 6)
The Love Guru (June 20)
Meet Dave (July 11)
Mamma Mia! (July 18)

and to cap off the summer's suckiness with a bang,

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (August 8)

I kid you not.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants....... 2

Hey, it can't ALL be good, right?

Along with the good and the bad, there are a few coming out that the jury is still out on, like You Don't Mess With The Zohan, and Step Brothers. We'll just have to wait and see what those will end up looking like.

So that's it, people. I know I haven't added much to my film review blog lately, but be prepared for a flurry of activity there this summer. Next to Oscar Season, this is my favorite time of year!

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